Unemployment has caused me to consider becoming a drug dealer

AprilsMisc (8) 2

Drug Dealer in the making. Last night I was sitting with Thomas eating dinner and thinking out loud about unemployment. Thinking out loud is fairly normal around our house. Thomas probably thinks I’m insane for some of the crazy things I come up with.

I have been sick and tired of looking for a good job, a career, and not finding anything worth calling a career and taking up another spot on my resume. Unemployment sucks! I have been looking for something that lets me use my brain, education, creativity, researching skills, and amazing organizational skills. A company with genuinely good people, the kind of people you invite to your house for dinner because they are the kind of people who know what team work is and a supervisor who asks for feedback and can give constructive criticism while always open to suggestions. I want a work environment that encourages creativity, thinking outside the box, and promotes teamwork but has a staff that can be trusted to be responsible to work independently. In addition, position that is not monotonous, one that utilizes an office setting and requires leaving the office like home visits, or going to other businesses. Not a sales job, maybe there is a whole other team dedicated to sales, or maybe the company is that good, and consumers come to the company. If anyone finds that type of employment, please let me know.

Anyways, I haven’t found anything like that, so I decided last night, that I would become a drug dealer. Yes, drug dealer. So I told this to Thomas while we are eating dinner. I’m kind of excited for this new venture. I would no longer be unemployed, I would be employed and I would employ other who are unemployed. Win, Win! I’m thinking, I should either sell heroin or cocaine, but not to people on the street. High class people, you know, like drug dealers did back in the 70’s at high class parties like the movie “Scarface“. I could really make a good living doing this. I have watched ever episode of “Weeds” and I am fairly confided that I have learned so much from what NOT to do, that I could run a drug dealing business a lot better than Nancy Botwin. I don’t have a brother-in-law like Andy who would screw everything up. I don’t think there is any competition in the area and the gang activities is small potatoes compared to when I lived in Long Beach. I know how to defend myself, I know how to shoot an array of guns if ever needed. Sheesh! I got this!

I started to brain storm; I could build a sweet retail website for my product. Or maybe a store front, but that’s a lot of overhead and I really don’t want to operate a store all day. I’m not made for sales; I don’t like to push people into buying products they don’t already want. Thomas came up with the bright idea to sell large quantities to only a couple of people, to make a lot of cash in one sale. Now that is a really good idea. Did you just see that team work and collaboration on this idea? That’s great. Maybe he could be my business partner.

All these thoughts were going on in my head and finally Thomas opened his mouth. He says, “to have a successful business you have to know people who want to buy what you are selling.” Then he asks me “How many drug users do you know?” Shit, I don’t know any drug users. I don’t know any sellers either or anyone who wants to buy drugs, let alone a brick of drugs. I don’t know how to get large or small quantities of drugs. There goes my supply and demand research model. In less than a five-minute conversation, all of my dreams were crushed.

The worst part is that this whole drug dealer business is illegal. My big dreams of becoming a drug dealer are over. It is a sad day. Besides, I am not made for prison. I’ve watched “Orange is the New Black” and I couldn’t be someone’s bitch. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to “own” bitches either. Bitches are crazy.

As soon as my idea started to grow, it was gone. Back to the drawing board.

Disclaimer – This blog post is meant only for humor. Don’t use, sell, or manufacture drugs. BE YE NOT SO STUPID and just say no.

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10 comments

  1. This post is so funny. I have felt that way before and after watching breaking bad I thought if Walt can do it then so can I, haha. Sadly, like you I am not made for prison either so I quickly gave up that dream and turned to blogging ;).

    1. Thank you Ashley! Breaking Bad really make people look at this in a whole different way. I’d rather write than go to prison.

  2. April! Mrs. Bricker here…. This is way too close to the way i feel! Ask ryan, i too have contemplated slangin… But damnit it’s just frowned upon! (how am i gonna afford tattoos now!?!?)
    I was just laid off from a job that i was absolutely in love with. Not even sure if I’ll get unemployment.
    ….at least i have gym time now! Lol

    Excited to read more of your blog! ?

    1. Hey Nicole! I totally know how you feel. I too LOVED my job. While my unemployment is so tiny, I am thankful for the gym every single day. Keep looking, there must be a job out there for both of us that we will love. Thank you for reading my blog.

    1. Hahaha, I still think this post is funny. Hopefully everyone else does to, as it is just a joke, sarcasm, satire, you know!

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